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Attachment
By Peace | December 16, 2006
In general, attachment is considered to be “… the strong, affectional tie we feel for special people in our lives that leads us to feel pleasure and joy when we interact with them and to be comforted by their nearness in time of stress” (Berk, 1998).
Two days ago one of my hamsters died. The two hamsters normally will fight when put together. Among these two hamsters, one is more active. The other is very quiet and inactive since the day it was brought to my home. So you can expect which one was dead. It was the inactive one.
Usually a lot of squeaking sound was heard from the two hamsters throughout the day and night. In the beginning when they was brought to my home, there seem not so much ‘fighting’. But after sometime, probably when they are used to the new environment already, they start to fight. At one time, I separate the two hamsters. I put each hamster in one house each. Then the hamsters seem so miserable, so lonely. (That is what I view of them, but who knows what really they are thinking?) The reason for the separation was because I discovered one of the hamster, the inactive one, was injured. Her legs were bleeding a little. That’s why I had to quickly separate the two.
For a week or so, the wounds had healed completely. The naughty hamster might have learned his lesson. He seemed to have been so lonely and miserable since his buddy left him. He seldom plays with his wheel anymore since her departure. He had been sleeping and hiding quietly in his own house. The quiet and passive hamster on the other hand was as usual, just that she was recovering as each day passed.
One day, I began to mix the two up again once the hamster was completely healed. For sometime, the normal squeaking sound was heard again. The naughty hamster seem to be really active and in his normal self once there is companion. He starts to play his wheel again. Food was given as normal. Everything was normal just like that for quite some time.
However, two days ago, I found early in the morning that the quiet hamster was dead. It was lying at a corner motionless. There was no blood either. Why she died nobody knows. However, the most probable culprit who caused her death must be the naughty hamster. But there was no injuries! Probably she suffered internal injuries! Well, there’s no need to really go and ponder over how she died, since she was already dead.
I was not sad over her death. I wanted to take a picture of it, but the camera was not working. Though the sight of the dead hamster looked pitiful, there was really ‘no feeling’ involved. I had never want to buy hamsters as pets. As they were given to me, since Clara wants, I don’t mind having it. She was bitten once by the naughty hamster and since then she was scared of touching them already. However, today, she had the inspiration back again to play with the hamster. She had forgotten the pain she had already (after bitten by the naughty hamster).
Three days ago, my mother was not feeling well. She felt nauseous and giddy. I had not visited her since two weeks ago. I wanted to visit her but too busy to do so. I called her on the phone. But that was not sufficient! She needs people to look after her. But nobody did. She has four children, two daughters and two sons. She is so old now and yet she is still working. She cannot retire yet. It pains my heart to see her working so hard, having to wake up early in the morning to go work and be home late. It pains my heart even further and I was anxious and worried over her health whenever I heard she is not feeling well. Recently she always complain of giddiness and nauseous. I don’t know what’s wrong with her.
Tomorrow I will be visiting her.
When Cebest died, I was sad for more than a week and still feel sore about it till now. But I don’t have any grievance or distress for the hamster which died two days ago at all. Our feeling is determined by how attached we are to something. If we are more attached to an object, when we lost this object, we will be very sad. If we are not attached to an object, the object will have no effect on us in any way.
When we are too attached to an object, we become dependent on them. When we are a child, we are attached to our parents, especially our mother. We depend on her for almost everything. We are very ‘helpless’. Growing up, we need to learn to look after ourselves. We learn to be independent. We should look after our parents when they are old. Though nothing is eternal in this world, but still we need to care for each other and treasure each other.
The Buddha taught that in life there exists sorrow / suffering which is caused by desire and it can be cured (ceased) by following the Noble Eightfold Path. This teaching is called the “Four Noble Truths”.
1. Suffering: Birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering; union with what is displeasing is suffering; separation from what is pleasing is suffering; not to get what one wants is suffering; in brief, the five aggregates subject to clinging are suffering.
2. Cause of suffering: The desire which leads to renewed existence (rebirth) (the cycle of samsara)
3. Cessation of suffering: The cessation of desire.
4. The way leading to the cessation of suffering: The Noble Eightfold Path;
According to the scriptures, the Four Noble Truths were the topic of the first sermon given by the Buddha after his enlightenment, which was given to the five ascetics with whom he had practiced austerities, and were originally spoken by the Buddha, not in the form of a religious or philosophical text, but in the form of a common medical prescription of the time.
There is just too many sufferings in life. How can one really put an end to sufferings? I can don’t hope for materials belongings, I can accept the fact of aging, but I cannot stop myself from feeling sad for losing my love ones. Separation from love ones and witnessing death of our love ones are sufferings. If we have no sufferings for our love ones, are we still human? The only time when you don’t feel sad over the loss of your love ones occurs only when you don’t feel anything for them. But if you really love your parents, you love your spouse, you love your pets, you love your children and your friends, one day when they leave you, you will naturally be sad and feel sorrowful. 
Here’s a good businessman you should learn from…
JACK, a smart businessman, talks to his son.
JACK : “I want you to marry a girl of my choice.”
Son : “I will choose my own bride !”
JACK : “But the girl is Bill Gate’s daughter !!!”
Son : “Well, in that case…ok”
Next JACK approaches Bill Gates.
JACK : “I have a husband for your daughter.”
Bill Gates : “But my daughter is too young to marry !”
JACK : “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank !!!”
Bill Gates : “Ah, in that case…ok”
Finally JACK goes to see the president of the World Bank.
JACK : “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.”
President : “But I already have more vice-presidents than I need !”
JACK : “But this young man is Bill Gates’ son-in-law !!!”
President : “Ah, in that case…ok”
This is how business is done.
Topics: Family, Personal, View All | 1 Comment »
May 26th, 2010 at 7:30 am
[...] Keng Swee. I saw Lee Hsien Loong cried in the TV. Just like what I had mentioned about the ‘attachment theory‘ (New Hamsters, Hamster Slaves), I did not feel much for a person who I don’t really [...]