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Shall I Go
By Peace | April 15, 2007
I am walking in the hazy forest of evil trees.
Do you believe in Fortune-Telling? I used to follow my mother when I was young. She seeks Medium, she seeks fortune- tellers. I believe that some of them are just out to cheat money — what they said about were not true at all and they just want money, lots of money. Most of the time, they will say that you will have some misfortune coming. If you want to change your luck, they will change it for you but all these need money. In the end, my mother had to pay them a sum of money so as to feel better.
I was more or less influenced at that time, though I always have doubts in them, even up to this point. However, being young and curious, I too want to know my future. At times, I will also try and seek them when my mother and sister visit one.
I never remembered what these fortune tellers told me or attempt to remember. I believe that we are in control of our future. What we do today affects our tomorrow, our future. However, today my husband mentioned something to me. He actually remembered what one of the fortune teller said to us many years back when we were both singles. He told me this afternoon,”Do you remember what the fortune-teller at B.L said? He said you will have a great illness while he will have a car accident.” Hey, I never even thought of that for centuries! Seeking a few fortune-tellers, I have even mixed up what they had said.
Hearing what he said don’t actually send shivers down my spine but I somehow feel rather uneasy afterwards, don’t know how to describe how I feel and I do not know what exactly how I feel either. Probably it is going to be true. But all people go through sickness and then death. And who knows the fortune teller said the same thing to all ladies and said the same things for guys as well? But He is probably worried, does he really worried? He asked me to go see a doctor tomorrow. I told him that I was not prepared to see a doctor yet.
I feel bad today. My body is aching and in pain. I feel lethargic now. My head is pain and I feel my eyes ‘popping out’. I feel thirsty too. What’s wrong with me? There is definitely something wrong with me this time. I told HIM, rooster year, the rooster ran away, dog year the dog died, the pig year, the pig don’t know what will happen next. I recalled what the fortune teller said. He said that when I died, I will have two children. But when my husband dies, he will have three children. Is it true? Probably…lol! When I die, he is going to have more partners. He will have another children of their own!
I used to pray — pray that my mother, my father and my family be safe, good health and long life. Let there be world peace too. Do not let my parents always quarrel as well. After I married, I pray that my husband, my parents and my family be safe, good health and nothing bad happen to them. I always pray that if anything should happen to them, let it happen on me. Recently after so much unhappiness happened, I pray that I can die. Probably my prayers are going to be answered. I have no regrets if I am really ‘helping’ all my love ones. But if I am sick and I cannot die, then I need to spend huge amount of medical fees. I do not want that. That’s why I am not prepared to go to see doctor. What can doctor do? They don’t cure. They just lessen your pain, give you pain-killers.
Will I go tomorrow? I don’t know. I don’t feel like going. I am not prepared. I do not want to waste money. I hate to wait at Polyclinic. It is always long queues. But can I bear the sufferings? I don’t know. Very tired now. I am going to sleep now. Good night my friends.
