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Heart Pain
By Peace | July 10, 2007
Today is a day where I had learned something about God. The inspiration just came naturally. Perhaps that is the will of God and that is what we called ‘calling’. Is it calling? I had no idea what really is calling. But whatever thing I do, I follow my heart. For once, I had my own answer why God talked to people in the past but not now. Probably my reasoning is right. I never really ponder over it, but the idea just come to be naturally. It is just the kind of instant inspiration that I had and I quickly put up on my blog for I do not want to miss the inspiration. It is surprising and amazing indeed.
When I was young, my teacher said sometimes people smile and laugh but in their heart they are not happy. I wonder how is that so. I never know why and how can anyone be laughing and is not happy? I always think that if someone is laughing and smiling, that is being happy. But it is very clear to me now.
Life had let me experienced a lot. I had learned a lot of things from the people around me. I am busy, but my time is all spent on doing good things, not wasting time. My mother used to say her heart is very pain. I wonder how it is like to have a heart that is painful. She said she could feel the knife stabbing on her heart. I fully understand all these now. As a child, I always heard her saying, “next time when you grow up you will understand”. Indeed, perfectly true. I had already tasted it. I had already been through what she had been through. How true. It is indeed hard on her. Today my heart is really pain. It hurts. I can predict I am going to die of what illnesses.
Today I visited Life, my destinated ‘friend’, met by chance. She is still alive but having dementia now. How sad. I was not able to hold on to my tears when I read about her. Why life is so cruel. It is a torture. This has been a question on my head since I was a child. . Why people get married, why people get old, reproduce, have children, children grow up, the parents die, leaving the children who will grieve over their parents’ death and so on, the cycle never ends.
I have yet to find an answer to that. But it seems that I am drawing near to and answer soon. As by now I feel that I had more answer of God than before.
Topics: Personal |
March 5th, 2008 at 3:41 am
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