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Weeping Heart
By Peace | April 24, 2009
Partial Disability
When I am not pregnant, I can do all the chores. I can do everything. But I am in pain now. It is terrible to be pregnant. It is pain and suffering. This week, I was very tired. Braxton Hicks contraction is getting more regular and frequent, sometimes about more than 6-8 times per day. Even at home, I could not walk fast. I am like a penguin, taking small strides, like an old woman. The house is so messy. Who would help take over my job when I am not feeling well? Who would take care of this home if I am not around? This is so terrible.
Pig Sty
How can I erase this from my memory… Yes, now it is even more like a pig sty. I hate to see this, who would like to live in a messy house? But how many hands do I have and how many brain do I have? I cannot even take good care of myself now. I am in a condition of ‘half-life’ now. So sick of seeing this messy house, so sick of hearing all the shouting and arguments at home. There is no peace. There is no unity, but selfishness….
Vulgarity
No patience, no understanding, selfishness….. I hate to hear this. “What The F***” etc etc… “What a nice ass!” etc etc… When to say and when not to say the appropriate words….
Speaking of vulgarity, and the word ‘Fuck’, it really reminds me of the ‘director’ and his wife. A government body personnel and holding such high position, and yet words that come out from their mouth is ‘FUCK’ here and ‘Fuck’ there. And what happens to the wife? Creating havoc here and there….. what kind of education is this? What kind of people are they? And she goes to church….
And what about these men? They went National Service. What they learned from National Service? What are they contributing to the society, their National Service?
I learned, yes I learned more words from this man, this ‘gentlemanly’ director. I learned what is the meaning of Asshole. It seems like a joke, but it is a real fact. People around me never scolded ‘Asshole’, not until now. He is the only one I had heard this word so far, and the only person who frequently said these vulgar words. How good can the wife be? Equally vulgar. But that is consider COOL, that is consider THRILLING!!! People are attracted to such kind of people! What kind of world is this? It is bad influence, and people learn fast…..
Pierced Through The Heart
All these are things which can be changed after I had given birth — the household chores, the messiness and so on. But there are things which can only accumulate like dust day after day, and becomes difficult to wash off…… All tiny little things end up in big things and if you don’t even know how to observe tiny little things how are you going to have big things done? Simple things like saving, do you know what is saving? Do you know what is not wasting? Do you know what is called personal hygiene? Simple things, very simple things, but all is ignored — stealing soap, throwing clothes around….. this is terrible. Where is the good example for children to follow then? One moment I was teaching one thing and another moment, why people can do that…… it’s just so hard to impart the right values like that… nothing can go into the ears when the cows get old…
By teaching him, it is not criticizing him. Showed him several times, told him many times, and yet nothing can be changed. I can do all the work if I am ‘specialized’ to do just cleaning job at home. But I have more tasks than just cleaning alone. He said he could spend more time at home if he stopped his full-time job. For how many years…. for how many years had he tried? What had he done?
Now that I am pregnant yet again, everything is still the same as before. He did not help out. Need his help, he would be impatient and unhappy. I hate to rely on people. I would rather do things myself than to ‘see the kind of face’.
I am lucky that I am not sick, like having any kind of terminal illness where I cannot work anymore, but would be able to work again after childbirth. How can there be such kind of ‘inhumane’ people around, who think that I am ‘faking’ pain. Being quiet, silence in bed, does not mean that I am enjoying myself. I am enduring all the pain of contraction. Every moment I made, turning about in bed also caused so much pain. I told him,”You come and try lor!” But it is no use talking to a simpleton. I understand what is the meaning of a Jerk now. I understand what is called foolish………..
Nasi Lemak bought from Pasar Malam on the way back home on Holy Thursday night. He was walking faster than me, and he went to buy Nasi Lemak. Ricsson was with him. He wanted Cup Corn and he bought for him. I asked for a packet of Nasi Lemak, just in case I was hungry (told him when I called him to ask his whereabouts). Later when we met, I saw Ricsson had cup corn. I asked him if he got buy for Clara. The answer is obviously “No”. The standard answer,”You never say.” “I don’t know she wants a not.” “Not enough money.” Whatever the answer. I did not check your wallet, and I cannot read your real mind nor see your real heart.
This is what he bought for himself… chicken wings and eggs Nasi Lemak (must be from Boon Lay Power)
This is what he bought for me, the cheaper version of Nasi Lemak… (perhaps from Chinese Stall)
Who is ‘ill-treating’ who? Just search my heart and see how my heart looks like. How long have I known him and how long has he really know me?
Thank You
Because of these, I got to appreciate my family even more. I got to see how warm my family is. I got to see how my parents cared for me even though I am married.
Because of all these, I want to be a better person.
Treasures in Heaven
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. Bu t store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. ~ Matthew 6:19-24
Topics: Family, home, Personal, View All | 1 Comment »
June 4th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Dump that bastard!!!!!